The second ceremony was very different from the first. Visuals were different too..the first vibrant with happy themes and colors... this one muted dark shadows,,, dark colors on everything. Where in the first I saw a gleaming eye in the beginning, this time I saw a flash of what looked like a demonic face in neon dark green.
People in the room:
Frank, 30 yrs old, works in the bank, learned in past yeshiva for 4 years and does transcendal yoga, now not at all religious
Bruno-31, angry brutish sort of Armenian german jewish guy, computer programmer
Shay- married, affluent music producer from LA, here to visit his family on vacation
John- the guide, 46, trained for 7 years in peru
Annie- John's girlfriend, divorced, two kids, works in special ed
3 arab brothers, the oldest named Yosef
1 old guy didn’t talk left early don’t know his name
Young guy, serious looking, also didn’t interact much.
Frank wanted to sit next to me. This time I wanted to be by the fire so I wouldn’t get cold like the first time... but didn’t want to hurt myself so I sat one mattress in, Frank sat by the fire and shay on my other side.
We drank the first cup..a fell into a half sleep. about half hour 40 min later I suddenly snapped into alert and woke up to see a light, the room was eery. It looked like another dimension, filled with voodoo. Annie crouched on the floor ahead of me, with a lit candle and poured the second cup. People looked like "vultures" to me, crowding around her asking for more. I was one of these "vultures". I knew it was greedy to drink more but I did it anyways. she gave me 1/4 cup. I told myself I would pay extra later to the shamen ..
I suddenly saw Frank's arms flailing. I was afraid he would touch me and was also scared of what I was seeing. He looked like a puppet. I ran to Annie to ask for help –she told me he had had too much to drink and that I should go to her bed instead. I went to lay on her mattress but then I felt awkward to lay so close to the Shaman, not in my bed, so I returned to my mattress.
Frank had horrible energy he kept trying to ask me if I was ok. He tried to touch my hand and it really annoyed me,,,I felt his bad energy. I had shay on my right side also with some bad energy and I felt claustrophobic, felt like I was stuck in a coffin of negative energy. Shays energy was less menacing. I felt if I didn’t face Shay's negative energy, it would be ok ; where as with Frank it was full on; even if I closed my eyes I could still see and feel it.
Frank felt bad about me shooing him away so he went to sit ahead of me, crouched near the flame. he sat ahead of me towards my left. Still on my right side shay was freaking me out too, looking also a tad possessed.
As I tried to repel Shay's energies, I could see myself many times and hear my own laughter. At one point I heard us in the room all laughing together. Our spirits were laughing in unison. Was the laughter a voice of the soul? A recognition of the truth of our realms we were in since we couldn't speak? There was no rules of space and time here, you could think you hear someone on one end of the room and they were really in fact, on the other etc. every time I heard shay giggle it sounded like he was possessed, and that the laughter was mocking at Gd. I heard a voice in my mind proclaim: do not laugh it is "laytzanut", it mocks the Spirit of Gd…later on I saw shay crying uncontrollably like a baby also felt maybe at that point he was still possessed or maybe frightened like me.
I start to see Frank ahead of me looking like the all knowing voice tells me is a " shayd". (I had to look up what a shayd was when I got back home: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shedim and interestingly enough there is an opinion relating shedim to observing the sabbath. I wondered if I had this vision because I did the ceremony on sabbath. And vowed to try my best to keep sabbath after.) He looked possessed or is something evil-ish. His body looked like a lurking menacing demon. The body was black and hunched over, shadowy, almost like a large dark vulture, or a gargoyle. I couldn’t see any details only the hunched over dark back or wing folded over the body. I got very afraid of this image and told him to go but he wouldn’t. He stayed cemented there as rooted in place as anything could be, more real and stuck in place than any worldly object I could think of. I started to threaten him by saying I was with Gd, I used his names like "Elokim", and "Ad0noy", buy he wouldn’t budge. I started to realize these were just descriptions of Hashem and not really him as a whole so it wouldn’t help ..he wouldn’t move.
I started to panic, I couldnt ignore or even shut out by closing my eyes his bright taxi cab yellow colored eye with its black animal pupil or his intense negative vibrations of evil. They started to pulsate and emanate towards me =I could see the pulses of negative energy beam out to me and attack me.. frightening the living crap out of me I started to leave my body. all I could see was the static geometric shapes like a old tv set with no antennae. and no more real life worldly physical eyesight anymore. I now was hovering in a dimension above earth.
Panicking, not know what to do, I clung on my throw up bucket for life, hoping the sensory touch to the plastic would connect me to the dimension of planet earth but it wouldn’t help-I tried to contact the shaman but his voice and spirit drifted away and seemed to be too far to reach, He couldnt hear me.. I tried to call the guides girlfriend Annie but my mouth wouldn’t move. I tried to summon the beach near my home (as if it was its own entity) and my boyfriend or my dog but it wouldn’t help. Nothing could connect me to this earth. I grew even more terrified. and I thought, if this is death (even if I will return in a few hours) what about when I really die? If all I can see is this shayd, this is scary! I cannot handle the fear! My heart was pounding non stop. I became so hot I was a furnace. I tried to open the window but it was barred shut. I kept fidgeting with the handle of the window trying to get it to open but it would hardly move (Interestingly enough it says in wikipedia: "Rabbi Yehudah HaChasid wrote in his tzavaah that one should not seal up windows completely because it traps shedim in the house".)
I looked at my hand and it was a primitive one, almost beastly. covered with fur with claws where my nails once were. I forgot to breathe because i did not feel connected to body. I remember having to tell my body to intake breathe. And the loneliness, How can it be described? A soul all alone, not even a world to contain it. It was the most deep isolation you can ever imagine. I then realized in life all we do is escape. We always have our bed to sleep in, food to eat, games to play. Never complete and ego-less confrontation of our own mortality. In this state of terror There was no time in the real sense of the world. I felt tormented for "hours". I cried out to Gd save me! I felt pushed to the limit and I felt Gd teaching, you doubted me after your first experience? Me? You feared others and not me? You actually think all this isn’t real? This is proof and do not forget it!!!
And it was only when I admitted that nothing would save me in this realm, that only God in his OMNICIANT ONENESS is true and real and powers it all, did I calm down. I started to bow my head down in subservience. I saw the white and pure beams of Gd's OMNICIANT ONESNESS beam down from beyond the top part of my vision and all the entities surrounding me -hard to see or define but also white in color- energies- bowed down in unison too , to the light and energy, I joined them, fervently bowing to GD. The holy light I saw seemed to be sourced from a vacumm of sorts the sucked us all in the beautiful rapture kind of like a vaccuum that engulfs everything and even though I felt awe I was no longer afraid I felt a part of a whole and lucky and gracious and I didnt want to leave. I felt still shaken but no longer afraid but only fear of Heaven,,,I heard the pasuk " Hashem Olokaynu Hashem ECHAD"=Gd is One. Everything we see and know and is comes from out of this ONE.
In that space I did not want to leave, suddenly my fear turned to awe and I wanted to cling to Gods holiness.
This picture reminds me of the vision I was in:
I didn’t want to leave this realm. I saw more of those mechanical mechanisms being deconstructed and I saw geometric fractal ornamentation, some of which composed of those many eyes, all seeing, I also saw teeth like jaws-sets of teeth maybe from a sea creature or fish.. (the next day at the beach I saw a set of teeth from some sea creature laying in the sand what a funny coincidence) and again more fractal imagery composed of little men –they looked animated like the little statues you see of gnomes on peoples yards with those red hats and white beards…these were separate entities too. they had colorful clothing, white beards and hats. they were on this wheel , part of a system, like a clock has inner-workings..they were also "working", they had like jobs to do, specific missions, and that was their function-their whole existence was to do this job.
*months later I tell a friend whose done aya about these gnomes and he provides me with the craziest reassurance. Lots of people apparently see these gnomes, and he explains WHO they are! He says:
"According to alchemists these gnomes are spirits that thrive in the minerals of plants, rocks, and crystals
you know, the early cartoon industry was filled with mystics and alchemists,, they knew alot .the whole cartoon dimension meant to communicate those messages"
He shared with me this video:
He shared with me this video:
I automatically found myself Sitting in an "indian" style position with my hands and arms raised clasped together in prayer style raised to the sky, (is that lotus position?) felt like I was connecting to the heavens, and this was a stance most conducive to receiving the flow of energy and receiving the feeling and visions i felt the electricty run through me, the light flowing through my body up my spine and head
* I saw a documentary months later which explains why! Our bodies are vehicles to reception and receiving the primordial energy source!
The guide came to heal me and shay. He went to shay first and started to press different parts of his body. I saw shays whole body in lotus position elevate off the ground & then, right then, the guide pressed onto his left arm which was on my side and squeezed "something" out… suddenly the energy that was squeezed out of shay went into me and I immediately puked it out! The guide then came to me and asked me not to be afraid. I was not at all. I felt safe with him. He pinched the nerves between my thumb and point finger. He told me I was surrounded by white light and asked if he could blow the sealing smoke on me. He apologized for the smoke saying he knows I don’t like it (how did he know that I never told him that)..and then asked me to clasp my hands together prayer style . he blew smoke into my hands and into my head I felt it wash through my body into my whole body face down to arms, torso etc and cleanse me . He pinched the area between my eyes under my forehead and said he saw miraculous things. This comforted me because I was still frightened of the evil I saw, He then held my hand for just a moment and the oddest thing happened. I felt like we "plugged" into one another, Like when you stick a USB into a computer and we synchronized. A lightening bolt of energy raced through us combining our consciousness and souls and we elevated off the ground in a spectacular combination. We interfaced.
The guide then wanted us to calm down because people were still not present. Last time it only last 3 hours now it was 5-6! He put on some music, Israeli and some old latin…the Israeli music, by this amazing musician Barry Sacharov became a physical shape that contorted into other shapes and cones and one of the song which I actually thought i was familiar with turned into something else completely . it was magnificent. It took me some time to figure out this song I already knew from before. In my mind at that time it became a whole other thing.
At that point Shay looked like an old man 80-90 years old. He told me he felt sorry for me he told me he tried to reassure me when he saw me frightened but that threw his hand off like it was gross; I explained to him what I saw and why I did that. He told me he understood and that he felt I was like a sister to him and that we both unlike many others in the room,,,that we came from the same planet.
As the music played everyone was still manifesting visions. The three arab brothers were doing the craziest things, the room looked like a demonic possessed mental ward. I heard what I think was the arab yosef talking in tongues, or mimicking the chanting of the guide . I thought maybe he was part of the ceremony but I was told later he was not. He was doing this on his own. Talking in the language of the other realms. I saw one of his brothers rocking back and forth uncontrollably I wondered if possibly he was possessed too. They all left too early right after the session was over, for me to ask.
As the room started to come to, I saw Frank sitting next to Annie, and as I approached I heard him telling her about his vision.. I heard him telling Annie that he was possessed by a dybuk and that the spirit was using him like a puppet ! This was beyond shocking. (my visions were confirmed!). I slowly met his gaze and he looked embarrassed. We both knew we saw the same thing. I asked him how he came to be possessed. He told me this spirit asked him if she could enter him to teach him and he said yes. He told me this unfortunate scenario happened to him several times before. I got upset and asked him why he sat next to me if he knew this could happen and he said sorry he didn’t think it would happen this time. I am not sure what to think. None of us are perfect . all of us carry scary or sad things. I was told by by others later that the visuals came from my imperfect subconscious. I find that hard to believe as Frank and the Shaman witnessed the exact same possession. I do not believe this evil came from me, but I am certain I was meant to see it and battle it in order to learn a lesson. (on a side note its interesting that later on I found out that the Shaman claimed he summoned the bad entity from Frank and was the one who freed him. perhaps this is why the shayd suddenly disappeared?)
I told the guide in private the next day how scared I was. He tried to reassure me saying I am a very good person surrounded by white light. He confirmed what I saw WITHOUT ME EVEN TELLING HIM!, saying "someone in the room had a bad spirit enter him I wont say who it was in order to protect them, but we both know, and now its gone". I thought to myself, really how could he and I have seen the same exact thing? So crazy. For me, this was a tremendous irrefutable proof of the validity of these realms and of Gd.
The next day after waking with only a few hours sleep me Frank and Bruno went to the beach and ate some lunch. I walked the beach barefoot so relieved and amazed to be back in this world. Part of me still scared knowing what I see is mainly an illusion ..and thoughts of pressure of what kind of work I must do now to be a better person. What do I need to work on now? Is it just Judaism? Is it just belief in Gd? Is it working on not being afraid in life and moving forward? I also was nervous to see my boyfriend again trying to understand now how to relate to him, he did not see the wondrous things that I saw and he doesn’t know what I know now.
Worried because the spiritual realm I saw was just as real as this world I live in. I wondered, if that was just as real as this physical reality, thats not only crazy, its scary! How many spirits are floating around us influencing us, in the same room and we dont even know it? Very humbling. Makes you take physical life less seriously In one way since theres more important things in the afterlife than this worlds pettiness. We must take life even MORE seriously because we only have 90 some odd years on this physical earth and then, an endless reality, the one I visited. No escape,
One thing I can say with certainty. There is a GD> He is omniscient and all knowing all powerful all everything and beyond explanation or definition. He is One. We are a fragment of this one.
I realized you cant escape him and you had better not try.
